hanaban's Diaryland Diary
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
heck yes!
If you love Napoleon Dynamite... you would click here, DUH! Thanks for the link, Holly. Oh, and does anyone out there now how to make tots?
11:36 pm - July 29, 2004
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
when you know not what you do
Other than pining over chihuahuas lately, I've been dreading the coming days. My grampa has been diagnosed with liver cancer and he isn't expected to live long. Mom, Auntie, and Older Cousin are going over to Australia next month to visit for a while and everyone's so sad. The thing with me is, I'm not immediately affected by things like these, at least not to the extent that everyone else is. While they're crying or worrying, I'm calm, because I guess I'm in some state of shock that prevents me from realizing what's going on. It's always been like that, ever since I was a kid. When my aunt died, I was seven, and cool as a cucumber. The only thing I could think about was the last time I spent with her, at the side of the house right by the fence, eating curry with hot peppers and salt mixed together. She loved that stuff. I can't cry for things like that unless I see other people crying, and the only reason I'm crying is that they're crying. I still haven't realized how sad I am.
I've been doing mindless things Dharma would do and Greg would not understand, should this be another episode of their sitcom. I considered being a vegetarian because I feel bad when I eat meat, and then I reconsidered because I like to eat and being a vegetarian would strictly limit my frequent eating habits. I then decided I should try being a part-time vegetarian, but decided against that shortly afterward. Yesterday, I thought I'd try not eating meat for a whole day to see how it'd go (like I hadn't ever done it before) and I just ended up eating less than half of what I normally do and feeling crummy today. So, this morning, I ate meat. See, I don't know if all Asians do this, but my gramma eliminates meat from her diet one or two weeks a month because she can't completely not eat meat... and it's some sort of sacrifice to bring on nice things. And so I guess my wanting to be a vegetarian again (or just thinking about wanting to) had to do with my subconsciously worrying about my grampa and hoping that not killing animals would not kill him. I was never good at logic.
4:49 pm - July 29, 2004
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
one day i will have a chihuahua
someone else's chihuahua
12:57 am - July 28, 2004
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
vote for pedro and he will make your wildest dreams come true
We saw Napoleon Dynamite the other night, and you should too. It'll make you laugh and laugh and then laugh some more. Holly thinks it's the greatest movie ever, even topping Dumb and Dumber. She's so cute because she walks around quoting the whole movie, and she plans to watch it as many times as possible until it comes out on DVD -- then she'll watch it some more.
In honor of Napoleon Dynamite and his tots, Holly and I are going to cook again some night. The menu continues to grow, but for now: tots, corn dogs, green beans, mashed potatoes, moolatt�s. Life is great when you know you're a big dork and you don't give a care.
6:00 pm - July 27, 2004
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
the man who went out all day to get a hair cut while his family was frantically searching the town for him
dear grampa,
i hear you haven't been doing too well lately. how are you to go about your days without eating gramma's good food and quenching your plants' thirst with boiling water? you probably don't have the energy to demand everything from everyone. you're funny when you fall asleep to the tv and i can hear it down the street when i'm walking home from my bus stop after school. you probably won't remember me, since i never talked much around you. i preferred observing and reflecting rather than disrupting the moment. take care of yourself, and please let everyone else take care of you, too, otherwise the gods will punish you by evaporating all of your good alcohol. most importantly, pat your other grandkids on their heads, give away kisses, and everybody loves you.
6:01 pm - July 22, 2004
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
good things
- the sound of streets, slick from rain
- cookies
- extra hours at work
- my sassy fish
- natasja's website, with its masses of goodies
- inexpensive books
- tomorrow and the weekend to follow
- catching up
- not-so-secrets too good to share
- getting to see cute dogs that i can't have at the pet store
- no rain
- brimming with love, happiness, and many giggles
- getting started on putting my room together
- brilliant ideas
- thinking of christmas gifts already
- "to love and to be loved"
5:22 pm - July 22, 2004
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and i wish you even more happiness
I guess when you find the person you truly love and want to spend the rest of your life with them, you are rendered happy beyond your previous happies and nice beyond your previous nices, and nothing, even wedding planning, is a chore. You say your "please's" and "thank you's", you greet and end everything with a smile. Even if you're a guy. Martha Stewart would look at you, then turn her head to look into the camera lens and say, "It's a good thing."
1:01 pm - July 19, 2004
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
lessons learned
I could post the lyrics to Hoobastank's "The Reason", but you'd probably prefer I use my own words. Even if I can't get it out right. I killed me to have realized how badly I'd treated you, and I just can't get over it. To feel badly about little things everyday is one thing, but to hurt the one person who means more than anything to me is the worst thing ever. Therefore, the advice of a lifetime: treat your loved ones extremely well. Mess up, but be sure to learn from it, and don't you dare do it again. Dear goodness, I feel crummy.
9:57 pm - July 15, 2004
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i may be crazy
and/or becoming a hypochondriac. At least there's one explanation for my silliness.
6:55 pm - July 15, 2004
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
after an afternoon
I bare my windowed self untamed and untrainedDreams that hardly touch our complexions truest faults
If room enough for both my drowsy spirit shall fall
Bold waves tumble to the season of my heart
Where you have offended my faith and my trust
Until all is lost into the beauty of the day
But there's something in the way you laugh
That makes me feel like a child
Aspects of life they confuse me
You and your thesis amuse me
After and afternoon with you
And your rich brown eyes
Your lips and dark hair
Elbows and exposed knees tossing toward the ceiling
After an afternoon
Face to palm
Tear to tear
Mouth to tongue
Heart to ground
I am in love
11:46 pm - July 13, 2004
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
please don't change, please don't break; the only thing that seems to work at all is you
I think I have nervous breakdowns daily. I'm going to try my best (and it would take just that) to not think tenfold as you and maybe I'll be balanced and normal again. I've been on this roller coaster and no one will let me off. I think I'm stuck at the top right now, upside-down, and that's how everything seems.
Don't worry about me. It'll only make me worry about how much worry I'm causing you. That's just how I work. In happier news, I went camping for the first time with Joe, Holly, and Paul up at my boss's lake on Saturday. It was my first time, and it wasn't bad at all. Except for wearing flip-flops and forgetting about the very steep hill we'd have to use at a very high frequency. It was great, though, even if it rained. I didn't have a problem with the bull frogs, but the wind got me a little -- until I fell back to sleep again. We got to go on a boat ride and play in the nice water for a little bit, too. Oh, and we got great dinner and breakfast. Mmm... brats! We went home Sunday afternoon and then went out to see the fireworks that night. They were super cool. I'd never seen character/picture fireworks before, only on Full House when Danny proposed to Vicky in Disney World. We also went to Adam's friend Paul's house (after getting a little lost in the boonies) and played with fireworks. They had firecrackers while Holly and I were perfectly content with our giant sparklers. You should get some, too. I have pictures, but my computer's not been cooperating very well again, so I'll post them as soon as I can. Oh, tonight, we're going to go to the Wizards game and hang out with Adam again! Maybe there'll be fireworks... probably not. A girl can only hope. I'm off to go grocery shopping and try to make something palatable for lunch now. Take care.
9:14 am - July 08, 2004
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
other diaries: |